COMMUNICATION

Communication is SUPER important. Even when you are not talking you are still communicating and so we need to be careful to make sure we are not "saying" anything that we shouldn't and that we are letting other people know that we care about them. The words we say only account for 14% of our communication. 35% is from our tone and a HUGE 51% comes from non-verbal (our actions). When we get angry we a lot of the time say or do things that we don't mean. In Ephesians 4:29 it says not to let any corrupt communication come out of our mouths, but only that which is edifying so that it ministers grace unto people. Grace is something that we do not deserve that is given to us as a gift. If we have this mindset we will communicate better with people and leave them feeling happy instead of sad. This is especially important for marriage. In the same chapter verse 26 basically says not to go to bed angry. That is really great advise for couples. Also couples and families need to take the time to council with each other and follow the council method set up by the brethren:

Start with prayer

Make sure everyone is on the same page

Have a clear structure

Listen to each person and let everyone have an opportunity to speak until all reach a general consensus

 Close with prayer

Have refreshments 

This should be done weekly so that everyone feels good about sharing things and also so that it doesn't only happen when people are mad or there is a problem that needs to be fixed.

STRESS IN MARRIAGE

Every marriage will come upon numerous situations that add a lot of stress. It's how we get through the stress that helps us become better people and strengthen our marriage. In Chinese there are two symbols that spell the word "crisis":

the first symbol means "danger" and the second symbol means "opportunity" showing that when there is danger (or a stressor) there is also an opportunity for growth and development.

There is something called the ABCX model where A (actual event), plus B (both the resources and how the resources are applied), plus C (cognitions - how we think about it) equals X (the total experience). How we think about our problems plays a huge role in how we react to them.

One last tidbit is a quote from President Monson: "We cannot control the winds, but we can control our sails."

PHYSICAL INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

Physical intimacy in marriage is good and important. However, it needs to be guarded by the husband and wife. They need to make sure that they keep it between only them. Some ways to do this are:

•  Being fiercely loyal
• Not be alone with the opposite gender
• Set emotional boundaries

We can take a lesson from the ancient city of Babylon. That city was very well protected, the walls were 335 feet high, and 85 feet thick. The circumference of the city was 56 miles. Yet it was brought down in one day. We may think that we are protecting our sacred union, but if we drop our guard for even a little bit we could be destroyed.

BOUNDARIES

It is important for the husband and wife to set clear boundaries around their little family unit, even before they're married and after they start having children. To begin with the couple should plan their wedding in a way that will prepare them for their married life. For example, the husband and wife should plan their wedding together and make all of the decisions together. This will help them set a clear boundary around them as a couple. They should also only focus on what is important with the wedding and not having a super extravagant one, this will help them learn budgeting and keep them out of debt to their parents. Also when a couple starts having children it can put a lot of strain on their marriage. There is something called "gatekeeping" that we talk a lot about in my child development classes which is where when the baby is born the mother becomes in control of everything and makes all the decisions, this forces the dad to fall into the background and then it just becomes a cycle where the dad doesn't participate much which makes the mom make more decisions and force the dad out which makes him participate less. In conclusion; it's a bad thing. However, couples can work around that. They can keep the boundary around themselves solid, even when their children start coming. They can do this by having the dad participate in the doctors appointments, and birthing classes, and the woman can talk about what's happening in her and how she's feeling about it with her husband.